My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
