walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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