Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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