I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
