You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
