i may or may not be watching the land before time
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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