Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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