just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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