Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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