I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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