The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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