I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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