Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
