cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
