Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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