I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
