Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
