so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
