I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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