it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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