Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
