yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
