..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
