Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
