I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
