I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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