I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
