I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
