i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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