from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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