I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
