Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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