Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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