So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
