You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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