found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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