why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
