Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
it hurts more in the daytime
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
