if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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