i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
