my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
