You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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