Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
