i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
