Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
