if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
