Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
