Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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