oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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