Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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