it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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