I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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