best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
