My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
