JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
