i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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