does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
