i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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